Kaer Morhen to the Causeway, Saturday Morning

[tellmehowstuffworks]

One minute, Yennefer was sitting on a bench in Kaer Morhen's great hall, huddled under a blanket next to Jaskier and listening to "Feliz Navidad" as played on a saxophone, emitting a bit tinnily from the speakers of her StarkPhone, occasionally interrupted by a recording thanking her for staying on hold and promising a representative would be with her shortly, as around them the surviving Witchers continued dragging the basilisk corpses out of the place.

Yennefer had asked what they would do with the dead Witchers, and had been told they would feed them to wolves. Now she was sorry she had asked.

"You would think they could at least play one other song," she said, blissfully unaware of the additional issue of it being a week past Christmas, and then the song cut off and the recorded voice said once more,

"Thank you for choosing Portalocity." But then! A deviation! "Your portal is ready now."

A glowy circle appeared in the air in the middle of the great hall, and various Witchers started shouting and drawing weapons. Yennefer threw the blanket off and possibly shoved Jaskier--listen, every witch for herself--and ran for it. Sorry, Geralt.

((Open post is open to anyone who would like to welcome a traumatized sorceress and bard back!))

Comments

[ohvalleyofpenis]

Had Jaskier literally tumbled on through the portal behind her because his luck was right at that point? Yes. Yes, he had.

"Ow," he said from the cold (but not nearly as cold as Kaer Morhen), damp asphalt.

[tellmehowstuffworks]

"Oh, get up," Yennefer said, reaching down to help him up despite how annoyed she sounded. "I can't believe they finally came through."

...wait. "You didn't leave any belongings you might need behind, did you?" Certainly not his lute, at least...small favors?

[ohvalleyofpenis]

And look at Jaskier actually taking her hand. They'd grown as people. Or had some sort of trauma bonding.

One of those.

"Geralt is going to be even more angry at you, you know." Wait. "My hat!"

[tellmehowstuffworks]

"I'll apologize later." If she ever went back to that reality, which at the moment was looking slim. "I would bring him chocolate but I'm afraid his Witcher taste buds might explode.

"Oh, no," she continued, completely deadpan. "Not your hat."

[ohvalleyofpenis]

"It was a good hat," Jaskier replied mournfully. Not even going to try to defend Geralt's tastebuds because, well, Geralt.

Then it hit him.

"Indoor plumbing." Oh, how he'd missed it!

[tellmehowstuffworks]

Yennefer was going to let him cling to his delusions regarding the hat. See, she could be kind!

"Central heating," she countered. Although she definitely had an appointment with a hot bath in her near future. Or maybe a shower? Oooh, showers.

[ohvalleyofpenis]

You were just jealous that you couldn't pull it off!

"Alcohol that's not watered down with filthy river water," he added.

[tellmehowstuffworks]

"Cocktails," Yennefer said worshipfully. "Oh, and coffee."

[ohvalleyofpenis]

"Okay, okay," Jaskier said, looking around them. "First... we shower and drink until we're sick. And eat pizza. Then we think about how to help with the whole... apocalyptic thing Geralt has going."

[tellmehowstuffworks]

Oh, Geralt. Geralt was going to be Liam Hemsworth soon, so did we really still care about Geralt? No, no, turning over a new leaf, Yennefer. "Right, yes. Geralt. And the girl. Cirilla." Who did not deserve the Wild Hunt. Or to be raised solely by Geralt. "But first...all of those things. And quite possibly a nap. On my memory foam mattress."

[ohvalleyofpenis]

They had another season of non-Hemsworth! And then it was all Hemsworth, all the time.

Jaskier made a noise like he was so very jealous. "You have a memory foam?"

Guess whose place he was breaking into.

[tellmehowstuffworks]

"It's divine," Yennefer told him. "Did you know they sell heated blankets? I'm buying one. Assuming we still have jobs. How long have we been gone, anyway?"

[ohvalleyofpenis]

"It was quite some time back home," Jaskier said, making a face. "Cara is going to murder me for picking classes before I left."

Musical theater? Not in her wheelhouse!

[tellmehowstuffworks]

"I didn't even fill out paperwork," Yennefer admitted. "I was going to do it when I got back. Melitele only knows what the moose has stuck me with."

It was worse than she was imagining.

[ohvalleyofpenis]

"That is a problem for caffeinated, rested, well fed us," Jaskier insisted.

[tellmehowstuffworks]

Yennefer couldn't believe she was saying this to Jaskier, of all people: "You are quite correct. Let's get out of this chill." Although it didn't feel that cold, coming straight from Kaer Morhen in winter.

[ohvalleyofpenis]

It was mostly just the damp at this point! After a couple days to acclimate, they'd call it lovely weather.

"I am? I am," he agreed after a moment of confusion. "Regroup in the morning."